I'm Chelsea, I like cats, my boyfriend Brandon and chocolate milk, he enjoys these things in life too.
I enrolled in Tafe today. It was like nothing, I know orientation and the first week or so will be nerve racking/exciting but I don’t know if I can wait for it. I also haven’t seen Brandon for about 4 days but it feels like so much longer. I had trouble sleeping last night and I woke up to a message about the length of three ipod screens. It was beyond sweet, one of the best or possibly the best thing I’ve ever read.
I miss Brandon. I miss wanting sex three times a day or more. I miss seeing my friends and I wish that I would be more social.
I had a very pleasant waking up this morning.
I feel bad for being sooky but I guess this is my blog, so here it goes. I’m sitting on my bed, with my cat at my hand, she wants attention. But I can’t get over how lonely I am. I barely stay in this house without you here, and I know you are only gone for a few days but I can’t stand being here alone.
It feels so wrong, eating dinner at the table alone, having a nesquick and drinking it too fast and getting a stummy ache and you can’t rub my belly. Sitting on my made up bed, that I’ll have to make on my own. Getting myself undressed and walking into the shower, alone. I have nobody to talk to here. This bed is so big and lonely and I can’t help but slip into the large dent our bodies made, and feel so small. The creaks of the house and rattling of windows scares me, and you’re not here for me to be okay and to have the warmth of another to move in closer too. I don’t get to talk to you as we quietly fall asleep. I know there are many lonely people, but I can’t stand being alone here.
After yesterday and last night I am convinced Brandon would do anything for me. He is currently working an 8 hour shift, but yesterday we fought physically and I’ve left scratches all over him. He did something I doubt he will ever forgive himself for, which I have forgiven him for.I feel so terrible that I’ve put him through this, but I miss him so much right now ♥
I am beyond lucky and will never be grateful enough for my boyfriend. I have the sweetest, sexiest, funniest, kindest, perfect boyfriend. He treats me like a princess and I just can’t believe he’s all mine. I’m beyond excited for these school holidays where I can sleep and wake up next to him each night, I love you Brandon ♥
Brandon. You have stuck by me through so much crap. I am beyond grateful, thank you so much for accepting me. Cuts and fat and all. I absolutely love you, you are perfect ♥
That was the perfect moment. Touching, feeling, kissing just everything. Smiling, laughing, holding, more kissing. It was wonderful.
The power went out yesterday and most public schools weren’t open today except for mine. A lot of people have only just gotten their power back, it was the wildest storm. I am beginning self portraits in art, I am really nervous. I have the orthodontist tomorrow, hopefully my teeth are getting a lot better.I would appreciate it if somebody would hire me. Brandon stayed over last night thankfully. Today Brandon and I have been together for 16 months.
<It is currently my exam week. Yesterday Brandon and I were not supposed to spend the night together, but he stayed with me because we had a fight in the afternoon. I ended up crying and hitting him and telling him that I wished another boy was on top of me. A person who previously had the chance with me, but lost it. Brandon ended up not wanting to put up with my shit and pretty much walked away, and said something to do with me thinking of that boy when we have sex. I ended up falling to the floor crying, we almost fucked this up again. I am so stupid and I was so scared and even Brandon was scared. But we had a bath and a nice night and it’s okay.
Tonight is my first night alone since the Friday of last week. It’s kind of cold, my hands are frozen. It’s okay being alone though, I’ll most likely read and write. My friend was supposed to stay the night but he never came over and didn’t tell me his intentions of cancelling.
I keep having horrible dreams and it is making me sick of dreaming. I just want some good sleep for once. I’d also love if I wasn’t sleeping alone every night, but in Brandon’s bed with him instead.